Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[A Tad Insane]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too

I can, how ever, secretly conspire with the other DM to just mess with everyone

We should not be suprised when books get thrown at us

[Guizonde]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too

I can, how ever, secretly conspire with the other DM to just mess with everyone

We should not be suprised when books get thrown at us

this fits perfectly with your signature. both combined made me laugh out loud!

@adoendithas: why didn't i think of that?! try it with chlorine or another flammable gas, might work then!

*not allowed to snipe halfling bounty hunters.
**especially those who are in the party
***even if they're redundant and have worse stats than me
**** i'm a poisoner. i know what to do
***** because i don't know what to do, i'm supposed to poison their pie. not transform them into dart-pincushions (even if i think they deserved it)

*just because i'm a poisoner does not mean i know how to make gunpowder
**"lead poisoning" will not allow me to learn how to fire a hochland long rifle.
***if i want a hochland long rifle, my character must be at least as tall as it. ideally, that character should weigh more than 60lbs
****no firearms for me
*****not allowed to load bob-ombs in my blowgun
*just because i have a prehensile tail does not mean i'm allowed to sleep like a possum
**i can shoot darts hanging from my tail, but every round i hold like this i have to make an endurance check (augmenting difficulty) and suffer a 10% penalty to my shots
***can't goomba-stomp the halfling bounty hunter if i fall, or anyone for that matter

edit: got a few preemptives:

*my lizard in WHFRP is not allowed to learn tilean from a fishmonger
**it being trilingual is enough as it is.
***it can't learn ork for the sole purpose of scorning elves
****i'm sure skavens have feelings too, so no scorning them in their tongue
*even if we've now got an alchemist specializing in stuff blowing up, we're not allowed to share trade secrets.
**i'd better have a good reason (and casing) to combine in one dart chimera spittle and a nitroglycerine equivalent
***even though i've got racial knowledge (blowguns) and (darts) and can craft them from roughly anything, i'm not allowed to teach the rest of the party how to use them
****no toppling the warhammer world with the fun times buddyalchemist-poisoner tag-team

*still not allowed war ponies
**or regular ponies
***shetland horses are still ponies (even if the rest of the world disagrees)
*no wardogs for me
**especially if they're dire dog demon equivalents
***the human warrior can't carry me in his backpack
****make star wars references riding in the warrior's backpack, i will not
*****from now on, i walk
*i can't use "wish" to wish for the monk to get better dice karma
**can't use "wish" to wish the warrior to grow a pair
***can't use "wish" to change the elf's race
****can't use "wish" to annihilate the entire plane of ravenloft

[Hyena]

* I may not dual gear my hand with vibroblade while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
* I may not dual gear my torso with stealth field generator while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
** I may not dual gear my torso with thermal detonator while playing SWSGE as a cyborg.
* I may not become a cyborg during a game session and then throw away all six of my cybernetic limbs while saying that ain't no rule I must keep them.
* Being turned into a cyborg makes neither better, nor stronger, nor faster.
** Unless I install flying or wheeled locomotion, that is.
* Six of my cybernetic prothesis are - two hands, two legs, torso and head.
** No, I can't dual gear my eyes with blasters.
*** Blaster cannon is right out.
* If I love playing cyborgs so much, why not install borg construct? At least it will make my character silent.
** May not abuse the vague wording to make my character remain chatty.
* May not play cyborgs. Ever.

[DigoDragon]

As a DM, I'm not allowed to make the party run across the group from a session I'm a player in

This goes double if the party I'm DM for is also playing the other session, too

Our current GM used to love to mix old and new characters across campaigns. A couple books to his head later and he doesn't do that anymore.


Things that get PCs enemies...

• No longer allowed to mail Lofwyr a "Tickle Me Lofwyr" doll.
• No longer allowed to mail Damien Knight a video of his goons getting killed.
• No longer allowed to send an accompanying MST3K Riff track with the said video.
• No longer allowed to mail your former Johnson a live grenade.
• No longer allowed to mail death threats to the governor of Seattle.
• Nor allowed to mail undeath threats to the governor.
• You are hereby banned from using the US Postal Service for anything! Period!

[Malak'ai]

Our current GM used to love to mix old and new characters across campaigns. A couple books to his head later and he doesn't do that anymore.


Things that get PCs enemies...

• No longer allowed to mail Lofwyr a "Tickle Me Lofwyr" doll.
• No longer allowed to mail Damien Knight a video of his goons getting killed.
• No longer allowed to send an accompanying MST3K Riff track with the said video.
• No longer allowed to mail your former Johnson a live grenade.
• No longer allowed to mail death threats to the governor of Seattle.
• Nor allowed to mail undeath threats to the governor.
• You are hereby banned from using the US Postal Service for anything! Period!

But how will I get my taxes in? .

[Ksheep]

But how will I get my taxes in? .

Turn them in in person?

* Not allowed to bring weaponry to the Tax office when paying taxes
** Not allowed to turn pens into improvised weapons at the Tax office
*** Not allowed at the Tax office
**** No, catapulting containers full of pennies at the Tax office is not how I am to pay my taxes
***** Not allowed within a mile of the Tax office
****** Cruise missiles filled with pennies are also vetoed
******* You know what, you don't have to pay taxes any more.

[Guizonde]

Turn them in in person?

* Not allowed to bring weaponry to the Tax office when paying taxes
** Not allowed to turn pens into improvised weapons at the Tax office
*** Not allowed at the Tax office
**** No, catapulting containers full of pennies at the Tax office is not how I am to pay my taxes
***** Not allowed within a mile of the Tax office
****** Cruise missiles filled with pennies are also vetoed
******* You know what, you don't have to pay taxes any more.

just. as. planned *laughs maniacally*

*not allowed to munchkin my way into not paying taxes
**or laugh maniacally afterwards

[TuggyNE]

*not allowed to munchkin my way into not paying taxes
**or laugh maniacally afterwards

*** Not allowed to laugh maniacally at all.
**** Unless playing in a campaign with Girl Genius-style sparks, in which case it is mandatory.

[Balmas]

*** Not allowed to laugh maniacally at all.
**** Unless playing in a campaign with Girl Genius-style sparks, in which case it is mandatory.

*If playing in a girl-genius campaign, I may not be a spark.
**Not allowed to use common sense to simply build mechanical devices to do the same thing.

[Hyena]

* Not allowed to substitute BBEG of the campaign with my PC.
** I just won't have enough gold to give PCs at the end of every dungeon.
*** I can't afford feeding all those monsters too.

[Guizonde]

*If playing in a girl-genius campaign, I may not be a spark.
**Not allowed to use common sense to simply build mechanical devices to do the same thing.

from my dm directly:

*no, common sense is not a superpower.
from me
**even if it's so goddamn rare it should be at LEAST a feat

(go us... again)

[DrachenGlied]

*I will not neglect my will save with spells such as Unnatural Lust at my GM's disposal.
**I will make sure my party knows of my high bonus I receive to my grapple checks.
***We will NOT discuss what happened when we ventured into the Enchanter's study.

[Guizonde]

*pun-pun is banned
**not even as an overdeity
***can't pray to pun-pun
****even if i'm reptilian, especially if it's not the same universe
*****no, pun-pun is not an old one. he is not a slann either, so stop saying it.

*this goes for: chuck norris, olanius pious, the emperor, keith richards, lemmy, ozzy, the altar of metal gods, the dragonborn, teddy roosevelt, and any other unkillable badass, memetic or otherwise

*can't aim for the self-esteem of my target
**even with a coconut cream pie
***especially with a rubber chicken
****can't make called shots to emotions or other non-physical attributes
*****the courage attribute is not located in the manly bits, so either i aim for the manly bits, or not at all

*darts to the knees are authorized, and encouraged in chase scenes, but kill-shots are preferable in battle

(one of these days this poor lizard is gonna get rocks to the face signed "the DM is tired of your questions" )

[Ksheep]

* I may not aim for the dragon's "voolnerables"
** I may not stack the odds such that the shot ends up being a million-to-one chance
*** I may not then complain that it didn't work, since everyone knows that million-to-one odds come up in your favor 9 times out of 10
**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.

[Doxkid]

**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.

...

"The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system."

**I may not comment on how amazingly applicable this quote is.

[Balmas]

...

**I may not comment on how amazingly applicable this quote is.

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

*not allowed to rate DM's
**especially not to their face

[Guizonde]

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

*not allowed to rate DM's
**especially not to their face

*the reason? not because they don't deserve it, but because it flatters their egos
**no giving the dm an ego

[Zahhak]

I wish this forum had some method of giving rep, because this is worth one.

You can give cookies or internet points. I award him 5 internet points!

[Doorhandle]

* I may not aim for the dragon's "voolnerables"
** I may not stack the odds such that the shot ends up being a million-to-one chance
*** I may not then complain that it didn't work, since everyone knows that million-to-one odds come up in your favor 9 times out of 10
**** I should not be surprised when the DM informs us that it's actually a female dragon, and that the "voolnerables" were located elsewhere, meaning that it was more than a million-to-one shot.

* Any plans that involve giving an enema with explosives are henceforth vetoed.
*Their is no use of shadow evocation that will let me fire undead shadows at my enemies.
* Can't do what I want 'cause a pirate is free.
*Cannot take 20 on using the expose weakness ability of the marital artist. It's just wrong if a level 4 character can crack adamantite blocks in half with his bare hands.
*Not to combine the above with spell-sunder barbarian just so I can break walls of force with my face.
* The method of breaking an artifact include a major quest of some sort. They do not involve making a flurry attack and calling it a day.
* My Eildon cannot be Gilgamesh.
*My rouge cannot have a thundering Shocking/corrosive/fire/lightning burst scythe just for coupe-de-grace.
*having Quick-draw and a cohort that dual-wields 2 kukris and the butterfly slice feat is just adding insult to ridiculously explosive injury.

[Sith_Happens]

*I will not neglect my will save with spells such as Unnatural Lust at my GM's disposal.
**I will make sure my party knows of my high bonus I receive to my grapple checks.
***We will NOT discuss what happened when we ventured into the Enchanter's study.

* I may not innocently ask what book the aforementioned spell is in, "For curiosity's sake."

[Amidus Drexel]

The party cleric:
*May not shout out our location to the orcs he sees.

The party scout:
*May not hang off of a cliff by his toes. (he never did)
**Is encouraged, as the character with a good spot modifier, to point out the things he sees with it.

The party:
*May no longer leave the city before information about the horde of orcs is given to them.
**The first response upon seeing the giant horde of orcs, is not to be "We can take 'em."

[Balmas]

The party:
*May no longer leave the city before information about the horde of orcs is given to them.
**The first response upon seeing the giant horde of orcs, is not to be "We can take 'em."

***Especially if it's true.

[Amidus Drexel]

***Especially if it's true.

Except for the orc leaders (who are very likely higher level than the party), we probably could have, if the warlock didn't die. We were at the top of a cliff with only a narrow path leading up, and every single person in the party uses ranged attacks.

That being said, my conjurer is still alive because I try and stay out of range of the enemy.

[Morrolan]

* I may no longer manifest energy wave downwards at a height of 85 feet so that I can hit a total of 907 squares with it.
** I may no longer ask for 5 minutes to calculate some things while playing D&D

[DigoDragon]

• I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
• Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
• If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
• Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*

*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

[Wookieetank]

• I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
• Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
• If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
• Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*

*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

* I may not write this down for future reference when my soon to be born daughter is old even to do the same.
** Stating up the ponies ahead of time for just such an occasion is right out.

[Mono Vertigo]

*I'm no longer allowed to trigger a hospital-wide fist fight.
** As the GM. (Didn't actually happen, but was only barely avoided.)

[Zahhak]

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

You have already done this? Can we see?

[artofregicide]

I may no longer allow my 4-year old daughter to roll for my core-fighter BBEG.
Especially when said rolls take out the party wizard on pure luck.
If my daughter adds My Little Ponies to the combat board, I'm not allowed to assume they're "In Play" minions of the BBEG*
Also not allowed to teach my daughter to laugh maniacally like the BBEG*


*Exception to these rules is if I first record the cuteness and upload the videos to YouTube.**

**My wife has stated I'm no longer allowed to upload videos to YouTube.

* I may not write this down for future reference when my soon to be born daughter is old even to do the same.
** Stating up the ponies ahead of time for just such an occasion is right out.

I may not show these posts to my girlfriend and tell her that's why we must have children RIGHT NOW.

*Seriously, that's adorable!

[Bacon Elemental]

• Squid are to remain at least fifty meters from our sacred order's rituals from now on.
• This goes double if we are clerics of Pelor.
• We cannot be secretly cultists of a dead squid in order to justify this
• If paladins kick the door down and go to town on our asses, we are not to complain that they are being lawful Stupid, because we were violating reality in front of the high preistess.