Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[TFT]

I believe I may have been in a past incarnation of this thread to seek advice... I need your help in a delicate situation.

You see, there is this guy I am going to school with, and... We don't get along. At best its neutral. Well, my small school has a track team. On this track team is a throwing group. In this throwing group I am part of, he is also part of. Well today, we almost got into a fight. Basically, he randomly pushed me while A couple of people had to get discs(Like 4-5 people throw, then a group retrieves. Him and I happened to be in the same group) I, being fed up with crap like that and not wanting to deal with crap like that pushed him back. He pushes me again, and says something to the effect of "I swear if you touch me one more time I'll beat you up". Thankfully a coach broke it up(Obviously since we didn't actually fight, there wasn't actually anything to break up), or else I am fairly sure we would have gone to blows otherwise. Apparently afterward I looked like i was going to cry I actually wasn't, I was just overly angry.

Now, that was the first situation like that, but there have been other things, in only two weeks of the season. One thing was that there is also a girl I am somewhat interested in(Though don't have a crush on) who is also on track, and it seems that while I was in another event, he and a couple of friends were talking to her about my past relationships(And how idiotic and naive I have been, but thats really another story), and I think that kind of drove her away from even talking to me a little.

So, I obviously want to avoid 1. Having myself be emberassed by said person, 2. Not actually get into a fight, because even though I could probably beat him, I would probably get a suspension or something for it, and 3. Stop the crap from him continuing. So I turn to you, knowledgable Gitp members, for some helpful advice.

(A little sidenote, I have been told that I speak confusingly, as recently as my sister telling me that a couple of days ago, and it is something I know I do. If anyone needs me to clarify anything, I'd be free to)

[Syka]

Someone worth knowing will take something someone with an obvious problem with you says with a grain of salt. If I heard for Person A that Person B is an idiot, but I know Person A doesn't like B, then I'll not be swayed by that.

That said, if it's gotten this bad I think it's time to talk to the coach or another adult in charge and get some mediating going.

And, this may change my advice, but why do you two have such a beef with each other?

[Crispy Dave]

If you are both fine with it, then you didn't rush it. If one of you ISN'T fine with it, you did.

Plenty would have called 3 weeks (when Oz said it) rushing it, but for us it wasn't. Partially it depends on how much discussion/time has been spent together, etc. Like, if people have been dating a month but only had 3 dates with little conversation in between, I'd be inclined to say rushing it. If a couple has been dating a week or so but talking a significant amount of that time, I'd be more hesitant to say they were rushing it.

At 15 love and infatuation is easy to mix up, but love isn't impossible. Just unlikely this soon.

we have been talking all day every day.

[Felixaar]

That said, if it's gotten this bad I think it's time to talk to the coach or another adult in charge and get some mediating going.

I agree, this is a good idea.

[onasuma]

So, mild annoyance.

Truth or dare game at school, just a few friends who Im comfortable talking with and such, no secrets between us etc. etc. Had a few rounds nothing too exciting, then I got "do you really have a crush on X." Being an honest kind of guy, yeah, I admitted I did. Of course, it just so happened a friend of X was near by. On hearing the words "Yeah, Ive got a crush on X" she sprang into action immediatly demanding if this was true. Shes an alright girl, and given the situation, I couldnt really say no in this situation.

3 days later, it seems that this friend has told X (and apparently within the hour of her finding out as well...). So now, the girl I like knows I like her but doesnt know that I know that she knows that I like her... Damn school life, its so confusing.

Thing is, now Im worried that if I dont make a move soon, she'll lose any interesst that might be there, but you know... Im not exactly the most confident guy and I dont like rushing into things like this, especially after what a **** up my last one was.

Edit: damn, I didnt think that would be nearly offensive enough to be filtered. Must be alot worse up America.

[Syka]

To use a BSG reference, 'frack' is generally considered a 'bad word' in America. Giant automatically filters it out.

Advice part: Don't ask her out just because of pressure. If she likes you, she likes you and a little bit of time probably won't change that. Honestly, it depends on what you are comfortable with. But I wouldn't let a previous relationship deter you from trying again.

In Syka news: I have to start dealing with the general public again. I finally (after three months to the DAY of looking) got a job, I just need to get a drug test before I can start. I'll be at Walgreens as a cashier...and evidently out store gets a LOT of older customers who want help shopping. I'm fine with that and personable and all...I've just been spoiled by not having a retail job in over 2 years.

The one problem I can forese is me getting a completely opposite schedule then Oz's. It wouldn't surprise me, although I'm super glad to not be working alone and have a job period.

[Coidzor]

To use a BSG reference, 'frack' is generally considered a 'bad word' in America. Giant automatically filters it out.

In Syka news: I have to start dealing with the general public again. I finally (after three months to the DAY of looking) got a job, I just need to get a drug test before I can start. I'll be at Walgreens as a cashier...and evidently out store gets a LOT of older customers who want help shopping. I'm fine with that and personable and all...I've just been spoiled by not having a retail job in over 2 years.

The one problem I can forese is me getting a completely opposite schedule then Oz's. It wouldn't surprise me, although I'm super glad to not be working alone and have a job period.

We can't say frick anymore now too? I mean, yeesh. Frack isn't even a bad word, it's a sub-in for the f-bomb... Hmm, no filtering there. I am so confused right now.

I'm sure you'll have some run-ins with him, as long as you take the trouble.

Hmm, Onasuma, Might as well if you were thinking about it anyway. *shrug* No especial rush, I suppose though. But only do it if you want to.

[Syka]

I was using frack to substitute the bad word. :)

ETA: I know we will. Just significantly less then we are right now. The last few months have spoiled us.

[TFT]

Someone worth knowing will take something someone with an obvious problem with you says with a grain of salt. If I heard for Person A that Person B is an idiot, but I know Person A doesn't like B, then I'll not be swayed by that.

That said, if it's gotten this bad I think it's time to talk to the coach or another adult in charge and get some mediating going.

And, this may change my advice, but why do you two have such a beef with each other?

To be completely honest, I have no idea why this guy hates me. Maybe its just my personality or something. I have given no reason for him to hate or dislike me first.

The reason I dislike him(Not even hate, because I normally wouldn't have a problem with him) is that he is cocky to the point of arrogance, too immature, and he always has an attitude problem.(One perfect example is that he is an underclassmen, and he talked back to an upperclassmen senior, a girl no less). I don't even dislike him, so much as find him annoying.

[Syka]

I didn't realize the classes were that strict. I see nothing wrong with that- upperclassmen are not immune to mistakes or being unreasonably mean. In high school, I definitely 'talked back' to upperclassmen who were being idiots toward me. Like the one who called me a female dog in not so nice terms. I even called him on the whole stealing my calculator thing (long story, but we know it was him).

That said, just ignore him them or talk to an adult with authority if it really causes a problem.

[TFT]

, I think you might have misunderstood me a little... I guess the example was what it was.

You see, he, being an underclassman sophmore, basically said screw you to an upperclassman senior, one I know 1. Never would be mean to an underclassman for no reason (Is quiet and shy by nature; and I think said 2 words to him the whole time he was being rude to her) and 2. Didn't even know the guy. He's just generally mean spirited, annoying, rude, and obnoxious. Class has nothing to do with it, cause even if he was in my class, I would still dislike him, and he would still dislike me. Basically, it would be the same exact situation.

[Felixaar]

Ona, I don't see her losing interest just because she knows - heck, it might even kindle interest, in a, "I'd never thought of it before, but now that you mention it..." kind of way. Of course, she could also go "Him? Ewwwww!" (I've had this reaction before), and that could be that. There's only one way to know, and I'll be you can guess what it is do listen to rumour but don't put much stock in it. Until you can hear it from her mouth, don't trust anything. Of course, that doesnt mean you have to make your move right now - probably best, rather, to just act is if nothing happened, and take your own time, otherwise it just seems... rushed. Of course, when/if you do decide to go for it, check out the 'Talking to Girls v2.0' link in my sig. Also, don't let bad experiences from the past hold you back learn from them, of course, but then move on. Best of luck, bud.

Catseye, Interesting to ponder why he dislikes you so. I don't really know you well enough to guess. He sounds like a general ass, so, as said, taking the matter to some sort of authority figure at the school is probably your best bet. Also, don't encourage his behaviour at all if you can - if you talk back to him, or hit him back, then he's only too likely to be able to twist the story to work in his favour. I'm not saying you should just stand there and let him beat up on you, but try to do everything you can to avoid that.

[onasuma]

To use a BSG reference, 'frack' is generally considered a 'bad word' in America. Giant automatically filters it out.

Oh god no, it was nothing like that. That was why it suprised me...

Ona, I don't see her losing interest just because she knows - heck, it might even kindle interest, in a, "I'd never thought of it before, but now that you mention it..." kind of way. Of course, she could also go "Him? Ewwwww!" (I've had this reaction before), and that could be that. There's only one way to know, and I'll be you can guess what it is do listen to rumour but don't put much stock in it. Until you can hear it from her mouth, don't trust anything. Of course, that doesnt mean you have to make your move right now - probably best, rather, to just act is if nothing happened, and take your own time, otherwise it just seems... rushed. Of course, when/if you do decide to go for it, check out the 'Talking to Girls v2.0' link in my sig. Also, don't let bad experiences from the past hold you back learn from them, of course, but then move on. Best of luck, bud.

Considering I heard it from the person who told her, its not really a rumour.

Anyhow, thanks people, you've all told me what I wanted to hear.

[Felixaar]

Ah, no, that seems pretty reputable. I was referring to a hypothetical situation in which rumour gets around that she does/doesn't reciprocate.

Glad we helped, Ona.

[Ninja Chocobo]

Oh god no, it was nothing like that. That was why it suprised me...

****-up, perhaps, then?

Fake edit: Evidently. See my "rooster-launching gala" simile for comprehension.

[Crispy Dave]

First off thanks to everyone who helped me out.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and spent the whole day with Jane Doe. I met her father who threatened me with a very large knife. All around it was awesome we watched a movie at her house then I got to watch her choir preform. The rushing it thing seems to not have affected anything.

[CrimsonAngel]

First off thanks to everyone who helped me out.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and spent the whole day with Jane Doe. I met her father who threatened me with a very large knife. All around it was awesome we watched a movie at her house then I got to watch her choir preform. The rushing it thing seems to not have affected anything.

Your first death-threat! I'm so proud!

[Coidzor]

First off thanks to everyone who helped me out.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and spent the whole day with Jane Doe. I met her father who threatened me with a very large knife. All around it was awesome we watched a movie at her house then I got to watch her choir preform. The rushing it thing seems to not have affected anything.

Did you remember to not correct him that he should've been threatening you with a purposely dulled, rusty spoon?

mmm. Just remember to not rush her if you get what I mean.

V: What's wrong, Magic-Flame-Hand-Nun?

[CrimsonAngel]

mmm. Just remember to not rush her if you get what I mean.

[Crispy Dave]

Did you remember to not correct him that he should've been threatening you with a purposely dulled, rusty spoon?

mmm. Just remember to not rush her if you get what I mean.

apparently he threatens everyone who has asked to date his daughters. I was disappointed he only showed me one knife and I was told has has an axe and several other cool weapons.

no more rushing here

[xPANCAKEx]

apparently he threatens everyone who has asked to date his daughters. I was disappointed he only showed me one knife and I was told has has an axe and several other cool weapons.

no more rushing here

haha, well, take it for what it is - its just his way. As long as you're polite and curteous (although NEVER be a kiss ass - fathers hate a suck-up), and show him that you respect his daughter and have good intentions you'll be fine in due course

[Pyrian]

So now, the girl I like knows I like her but doesnt know that I know that she knows that I like her...

Don't be too sure of that latter. I'd guess she knows you know that she knows.

Thing is, now Im worried that if I dont make a move soon, she'll lose any interesst that might be there, but you know... Im not exactly the most confident guy and I dont like rushing into things like this, especially after what a **** up my last one was.

Sometimes you get to have things progress in a time frame you're comfortable with. Sometimes, you don't. This is clearly a case of the latter - the wave has crested, and your choices are (1) try to ride it or (2) wipe out automatically.

[reorith]

for the past week or so, a previous girlfriend from two years ago has been trying to contact me, naturally, i've been avoiding her calls, deleting her text messages and ignoring her on aim. all was going well until she called me at 03:27 friday morning when i made the mistake of actually talking to her. i answered the phone and she started with "i need to talk to some one blah blah blah crisis blah blah blah needless complication she tried to drag me into blah blah blah stuff sucks." and she continued on for another eleven minutes before saying "can you say something?" to which i replied "i'm speechless(i hadn't really been paying attention.) so she says "say scrubbing anything." i responded "you call my cell phone in the early hours. you've filled my inbox with creepy messages. you've threatened my people with slavery and death! oh, i have chosen my words carefully, elizabeth. perhaps you should have done the same." and i guess that kind of shocked her because she asked me what the scrubbed i was on about. so i yelled "this is spartaaa!" and ended the call. that didn't really stop anything and her calls remain unabated.

sooo.... how do i go about getting her to stop calling me?

[Felixaar]

reorith, that was possibly the coolest method of hanging up on someone since the "No, Mr. X was murdered recently. Why are you ringing the deceased? Were you involve in his murder?!" As for getting her to stop calling you I'd try direclty telling her that you don't want any contact with her, preferrably in an email so that she can't talk over you, and then just leaving it. If she continues to contact you then I suppose you need to look into what you can do to get various emails/phone numbers blocked.

Ona, probably good to consider Pyrian's advice.

Dave, I agree with Pancake's advice on this one also, glad to hear it went well.

[Crispy Dave]

. so i yelled "this is spartaaa!" and ended the call. that didn't really stop anything and her calls remain unabated.

awesome you win best hang up ever.

as for your situation just send her an email asking her to stop and if she doesn't have her number/email blocked.

@ pancake and Felix. Ya I tried not to be too suck-upish I think it went pretty well. I even gave him some game advise

[Syka]

Directly tell her and if she doesn't stop, block her AIM/number. It took two tries of telling my ex I didn't want to talk to him to get him to finally back off. He hadn't thought I was serious the first time around. The second time worked, though, I didn't block him and I haven't gotten any messages from him. Thankfully, I got my cell post-break up and he hasn't tried our landline.

[Serpentine]

How about a little empathy, people? I don't know the circumstances of the break-up, but I think this may more or less apply regardless.]
From the little snippets of not-blah supplied, she's obviously having some troubles at the moment. She feels that she needs to talk to someone, anyone, and apparently of all the people she knows - which may be many or very few - you are the one she trusts and/or feels the most comfortable with. That may be flattering or sad, depending upon her current situation. Rather than treat her like a fellow human being in pain, who may very well have changed from whatever terrible person she must have been for you to treat her so callously now, you ignore her and then spew film-based gibberish at her and hang up in her ear.
Yes, she should take the hint. No, she should not have called you at that time. I don't know how the emails were creepy but if that is a legitimate gripe then she shouldn't have done that, either. Unless she did something really terrible to you at the end of your relationship, no, you are not the victim here.
My suggestion: Next time she contacts you, by phone or email or whatever, tell her that you don't feel that you can help her with her problems and that you are uncomfortable with the contact. Then give her some numbers or web links to call centres and counsellors and the like. I would personally like for you to give her a way to contact you, say email only and only if she's civil and reasonable and not-creepy, but if you really just want her to get out of your life forever - and again, unless she did something really terrible to end your last relationship forever, that's pretty harsh - tell her so, and preferably tell her why. Then I will consider you justified in ignoring and/or blocking her, or maybe even calling in legal help if necessary, if she continues harassing you.

[Syka]

Sometimes, Serp, you need to put your own mental wellbeing before someone elses. I know I wouldn't be able to handle my ex coming to me for help without slipping back into the highly unhealthy pattern we had while dating. It's the only thing standing between me and wanting to foster a friendship, actually. Sometimes...you just need people out of your life. I support the suggestion to give her numbers of people to call, probably through email, but he has no obligation to help her.

[skywalker]

haha, well, take it for what it is - its just his way. As long as you're polite and curteous (although NEVER be a kiss ass - fathers hate a suck-up), and show him that you respect his daughter and have good intentions you'll be fine in due course

Some dads like a suck-up... Just depends on how you do it.

reorith, that was possibly the coolest method of hanging up on someone since the "No, Mr. X was murdered recently. Why are you ringing the deceased? Were you involve in his murder?!"

Over Christmas, my girlfriend's (male) ex called her cell phone. My best friend (also male) answered, "Hi," and then had a minute long conversation with him before the the guy realized he wasn't talking to my GF. When he finally asked to speak to her, my friend said "[girlfriend], are you here?" "No." "I'm sorry, but [girlfriend] just... stepped into a shower..." and hung up the phone.

I think Serpentine has a good point, and Syka has a good counterpoint.

[Serpentine]

Sometimes, Serp, you need to put your own mental wellbeing before someone elses.

It's one thing to put your mental wellbeing first, and it's another to slam someone down who's obviously crying out for help. Nowhere did I say he should just bend over and take it, so to speak. The crux of my advice, in fact, was just how to get her to leave him alone in a way that will be helpful to her, less likely to crush her and/or make her situation and/or behaviour even worse, and that I think is even more likely to get the point across properly and constructively that she cannot call on him for help.