Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[Coidzor]

So what is the usual period of time to abstain from dating that is considered "proper" to avoid looking really bad after a breakup?

I'm getting some mixed messages here from my friend group and so I'm thinking they've all taken to snorting mothballs, since I've only asked out two people, only one of whom they know about because of the weirdness where she asked me out and then wasn't able to make it due to some family things coming up so I asked her out and then she bailed at the last minute while dumping all of her date rape issues from HS in my lap and then disappearing for a month while she tried to work up the courage to tell the guy she likes that she loved him and she apparently has only so far managed to get to the point where she could tell me she bailed due to him rather than seriously thinking I'm a date-rapist.

Still, I was not amused. And am still insulted by that situation.

What's more worrisome is the fact that I was accused of asking people out that I never actually asked out. Since that's just bizarre.

But mostly I'm wondering what the time periods are, since they seem to be different between the sexes.

[Felixaar]

I'd wait a while, Coid. A long while. My advice, don't try for anything until you come across a really special girl - one who's far above the cut.

[Midnight Son]

Oh no I don't mean swearing I mean I'm always say something stupid or out of place and my convosations are about as weird as they can be. Also although I (in normal cercumstances) am one of the most frendly people possible (I talk to compleate stangers and they normally end up likeing me) when it comes to girls I relly like... Where o where dose my confidence go (at this point if I was talking to you I would proberbly burst into song) but one of the reasons I am poasting this on here is that pratickally no-one knows who I am.

Trust me. You're not alone. In fact, there's a place That many like minded individuals have used as a gathering place; kinda like a support group. Its called the local pub or café.

[skywalker]

I'm getting some mixed messages here from my friend group and so I'm thinking they've all taken to snorting mothballs, since I've only asked out two people, only one of whom they know about because of the weirdness where she asked me out and then wasn't able to make it due to some family things coming up so I asked her out and then she bailed at the last minute while dumping all of her date rape issues from HS in my lap and then disappearing for a month while she tried to work up the courage to tell the guy she likes that she loved him and she apparently has only so far managed to get to the point where she could tell me she bailed due to him rather than seriously thinking I'm a date-rapist.

Still, I was not amused. And am still insulted by that situation.

I would be too. Being accused of being a date-rapist is a very serious thing. Have you expressed to her how awful a thing that is to even imply about someone?

I don't think it's a big deal to wait any particular period of time, follow your heart, if your heart leads you toward someone the day after you break up, then follow it. But that means really, really follow your heart, don't get tricked by those bad ideas that pretend to be your heart.

What do I mean by that? I think what I mean by that, is kinda what the Dalai Lama says, to ask yourself "Will this make me happy?" Which is the advice he gives for curbing actions that are pleasurable, but not necessarily good for you or conducive to happiness. So really follow your heart, and not that "scared of loneliness" part, you know?

If that's too thick/eastern/a bunch of crap for you, here's some more advice. Don't worry about it so much. It will never be enough for some people. You will learn what your appropriate amount of time will be.

Felix's advice is good too. Just cuz I have other advice doesn't mean I think it's bad. In a way, it's rather similar.

[averagejoe]

I'd wait a while, Coid. A long while. My advice, don't try for anything until you come across a really special girl - one who's far above the cut.

I agree with this in principle. In fact, it's how I've lived my life, and I've never regretted it. However, I am fast approaching the point where if I was a few years younger and a good deal less sensible I'd be sitting around writing bad poetry, all the while hoping that someone would ask me what I was doing so I could wax poetic about exactly how I would be doing. Which is to say that if one is going to try this then it helps to be open to the idea that the glass is indeed half full.

[Keinnicht]

This is really more like psychoanalysis than relationship advice, but here I go.

So, I asked some one out a bit back, and she said she wasn't looking for a relationship. We're reasonably good friends now, but I have feelings for her still. Now, I recently found out she has a significant other. However, she never mentioned this to me (Or really anyone else) so I figured it was a recent development. Upon further conversation with someone, I learned she actually has had this boyfriend for a reasonable length of time. Now, every single other one of my female friends I spoke to who have a boy friend responded to the question "What would you say if some one asked you out?" with something relating to their boyfriend (I presume they weren't just saying this to make me feel better, because I asked the question basically without context. Which I suppose seemed mildly strange for a few seconds.) whereas said girl specifically didn't mention why she wasn't looking for a relationship. Furthermore, she considered for several days before giving me an answer.

Now, I figure there's probably two basic camps here: One, she's interested and therefore doesn't want me to know she's in a relationship, or two, she simply never bothered to tell me she had a boyfriend and I'm reading too much into things. Really they seem about equally likely.

I suppose not knowing her, you guys can basically only give me very general guesses, but whatever.

[xPANCAKEx]

Coidzor - 21 days and then you're a free agent. It gives both parties a FAIR chance to express any feelings they need to. Anything longer than that, and well... sorry. Missed your chance. Suck it up. And if you meet someone special in this time, then they will understand that you still need time n space to sort your own head out and wait. If they arn't willing to wait - they arn't worth losing sleep over

of course the question of "how long to wait before getting into your next relationship" is a totally different bucket of syrup - thats one you'll have to ask yourself and be brutally honest about. Even if you like someone, if you don't feel ready, then you're not ready. Its not something that can be rushed. Just stick to dating for a while.

and yeah - that girl that dumped on you still owes you a massive appology. I'd steer WELL clear of her for a while. And no - simply saying "bad things happened, im a **** up, took it out on you, sorry" - doesn't constitute a full appology on this one. I can only begin to imagine how much what she said hurt. Cut her some slack by all means given the situation... but still...

Keinnicht - try looking at this from a different angle. MAYBE what she said was she true: shes not looking for a relationship. So how would that play out re: her "significant" other. He may not be that significant. Maybe they've been dating a while, but its not a big thing? Such arrangements are entirely possible, depending on where two people are emotionally.

In all fairness - if she was interested, she wouldn't try to put you off (an excuss that is innacurate by ommission is still an excuse), so its probably not best to try and read into it too much to try and convince yourself you may have a chance.

If you really are desperate for answers (as i know some people don't like living with uncertainty) then by all means ask her some straight questions. Just don't go into it with any expectations that everything she tells you will be something you want to hear.

[Jarade]

Ok, so.

I asked a girl to go see dinner or a movie, and she said yes, but she needed to leave before we could decide where or when to do something.

This is my first actual only girl and me hang out/date thing, and I was wondering if the playground could possibly give me advice on what to do, where to go, things to avoid and the like.

Thanks in advance

[Stadge]

Hello all, sorry to post a problem on this without having first tried to help others. But well, I’m not sure what I’m doing tbh.

I’ve been dating a girl, call her B, since mid July last year, I was introduced to her by a JG (my ex-crush of a few years back) who has since revealed that she introduced us hoping that we’d get together lol. We spent a month or so just talking over myspace, and I thought “hey, she sounds quite nice”, we then started hanging round a bit around college (uk) and really got to know each other on the two-day open day we went on for Cambridge university. About a week later, I asked her out, and well, we’re still together.

Things seem to have been going fantastic, we 1st exchanged “I love you”s a few months back, initially in Gaelic by me lol, and I know that on my behalf I truly meant it. We’ve had and kinda still have really great times.

But of course, this thread being as it is, there’s a catch. Well two really.

The first isn’t directly related, but on the 3rd of December my dad passed away. Completely unexpectedly, and due to divorce I was left as next-of-kin at 17. Anyway, obviously this has affected me, but B was there for me all the time over Christmas and new year, and well, has said she still is if I need any help. But well, understandably, I’ve not been quite so chipper as late, and I don’t know if it’s due to my pessimistic mood, or if its got any grounding in truth, but I’ve been worrying that my poor-mood has been putting a strain on our relationship. B has said it hasn’t, but I’m not too sure. Think the whole thing has made me worry more tbh.

The second point is a bit more related. From October 2007, until I’m not exactly sure when in 2008, after April at the earliest, B was really close to a lad, J?. She had, and still has, only spoken to him via the internet, he lives 200 miles away (which to a 16/17 year old in the uk is a massive distance). Anyway, they were really close, so close in fact, that I had vey nearly consigned myself to just staying friends with B, not making a move because of J?, a boy I’d never even spoken to.
I still wouldn’t have said anything, except a few days after Cambridge; I spent the evening with B, JG and a few others, JG and B got a lift home from the same person, and I got a text from JG asking me if I liked B. Obviously my attempts at trying to act like I just wanted to be a friend didn’t work. I said yes, but mentioned the whole issue with J?. And was told that B liked me, and to go for it. I did, though she didn’t know I knew how close she and J? were, and like I said, it’s been great. Until the new year.
She’d been really quiet for about a week and after much coercion, I eventually got it out of her. She was upset and feeling guilty for not really speaking to J? properly over the past six months. She hadn’t wanted to tell me in case I reacted angrily or tetchily. I hugged her and told her, roughly as I remember “talk to him. I know that if he lived locally, I would have been introduced to the two of you as a couple, and he’s the reason I nearly didn’t approach you. It doesn’t make me tetchy, it just makes me realise how incredibly lucky I am to be with you”
Soon after exams overtook us, and these, as well as a rejection from Cambridge for B, have meant she’s still been quiet, though she has said that she knows I’m here for her.
The thing is, exams are over, she’s still quiet, won’t tell me what’s up, and what with other little things, I get the feeling its more stuff to do with J? and I know in my heart that she’ll always love him above me, and that I’m always going to weigh in second each time, which I try to not let get to me. Thing is, even though I know this, and have tried to speak about it, I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. If she ended it, I’d understand and stay friends if I could, but I can’t bring myself to leave of my own accord, even though I know there’s stuff eating her up inside.

Sorry for the ramble. And well, even if no good comes of this post, it’s helped me just to type stuff.

[xPANCAKEx]

Jarade - as its your first date, i'll assume you're quite young, so wont advise anything too pricey (besides - flashy dates rarely impress on a first date).

Avoid movies as a - i know they are 'popular' choice but in all fairness they are a poor one: you can't talk at a movie. For a 'low pressure' date (assuming you have a romantic interest in this girl), go for coffee and cake/pastries at a nice cafe. Failing that, a light meal or even the holdback of pizza and milkshakes will do.

also - as its the season for it, ice skating can be a winner too

Stadge - don't worry, its not a trade system. Everyone offers advice out of kindness alone here

firstly - its completely ok to feel upset over your loss, so don't for one second feel guilty about it. B will be there to help you, as long as you keep showing you appreciate her for it

As for the J thing - i think you over estimate it entirely. If she was head over heels for the guy, something would have happened long before now (when i was 16 i was dating a girl over a 100 miles away. even at a young age you can make it happen). Its not a case of who she loves "above" the other. She loves you in a romantic sense for all the many reasons you are together. She loves him as a friend. You need to accept that and stop feeling threatened by it or it will affect things. If you keep telling her you think she loves him more than you then of course she feels guilty for it.

I think the best thing would be appologise for if you've ever made her feel guilty about her friendship, and tell her how much you've appreciated all her support. Let her know that you trust her, and she shouldn't feel like she should should have to keep her friendships secret from you. And most importantly, let her know (even if she already knows it) that no matter what you're going through, if she needs to talk, she can can come and talk to you

When the person you're going out with is having a tough time, its kinda hard to approach them for support about your own problems, so it may help to let her know that it really is ok to do so

[Felixaar]

Joe, there there mate. don't start writing crappy poetry what ever happened to that girl you met?

Kein, move on, this is not an avenue worth pursuing and will most likely lead you into danger if you attempt to press yourself on this girl. It really is a good idea to just back off now and see what happens, take a passive stance and just be friends.

Jarade, in my experience, girls preferr to eat dinner rather than just see it. Of course, if like me you're too poor for that, they'll probably appreciate the effort. Despite what people say, movies arent such a bad idea. If you like in Friendly Banter a bit more I think someone made a topic on "Fun Date Ideas", check out this topic for date ideas. Just do something you both like doing, and if you cant think of anything, do something you like doing and think she might like doing and hope for the best. I would also reccomend trying to finalise the situation ASAP before it just slips her mind. Also, way to go on working up the courage to ask her out! I applaud you.

Stadge, listen to xPANCAKEx's advice, he is spot on with this one.

[Syka]

Coidzor, if you are asking about how long after one of YOUR relationship ends, it's purely up to you. Only you can determine how long you need.

Stadge, I second Felix- listen to Pancake. From age 16-19 I was in a relationship with a Boy, who was 15-18 during the relationship and lived 1000 miles away from me. The distance didn't stop us trying, we didn't even see each other for the first year (we'd met at a Latin Convention in Texas; he lived in New Jersey, I in Florida) and only every 6 months after that.

Cheers~

[averagejoe]

Joe, there there mate. don't start writing crappy poetry what ever happened to that girl you met?

Nothing at all, which is the problem. Didn't see her over break, which was expected, going back home to see her family and all that. A week before break was over she actually called me to arrange a meeting when I got back in town (a good sign, I think), but then the day we were supposed to meet she called me, told me that a few days earlier something bad happened to her (I didn't ask, she didn't seem to want to talk about it) and she hadn't been doing any of her usual stuff and wanted to be alone for a bit. Which is fine, but the waiting has really started to get to me over the past few days. In a lot of ways it's worse than a flat rejection, found preferable only because of the fact that I have reason to hope that it will turn out well. She gave me her AIM during this last exchange, but I have yet to catch her on the damn thing.

Mostly just complaining, really. Signs would indicate that she does like me, at least a little, and writing this helped me see that again. This is, however, a bit like waiting for christmas as a kid times a thousand.

[Serpentine]

Stadge: I second Syka, listen to Felix when he says to listen to Pancake

Hey Pancake, why is it that we agree perfectly on about half the issues, and are completely at odds with about the other half?

[Starshade]

Stadge: i agree with the others posting above me.
Maybe one of the big weaknesses of english, is the word "Love" mean much, much more than in some other languages, of couse she can LOVE him, it dont mean she want a relationship with him.

If she'd want an relationship it would possibly already happen, even if two persons get along really well, it dont mean, they WANT an relationship. If its someone she only chat with online i think you over estimates that relationship.

[Coidzor]

Ok then. For appearances sake then? Seriously. I just got a bunch of BS thrown at me about asking my group of female friends out "immediately after" my break up. Which is especially funny since I never asked them out except for one and that was after we'd slept together and not seen each other all winter break due to her living aways away, so I was kinda curious as to whether she wanted to pursue things, having kept in touch over winter break but been curious as to what to do when she never mentioned it.

And I'm pretty sure she never told them, or I would've been eviscerated by them for it, since obviously I must've done something wrong in order to sleep with her in the first place.

It's been since October. I made a couple of dates over winter break but got bailed on by the girl who had date-rape issues, but didn't really care all that much since they were just dates rather than asking someone into a relationship. Then I had a date with a friend in one of my classes after having her all over me cuddling while we were studying together, and we ended up making out.

Got a bit of crap over that, despite it being halfway through January and the breakup being half to 2/3 through October.

[Pyrian]

Frankly, Coidzor, I'd probably tell them off. They're being horribly rude and inappropriate. The proper time to start a new relationship is after the previous one is over - that's it. Any additional time you do or do not need is purely your own affair and nobody else's, and anyone who tells you otherwise is being a busybody and ought to mind their own business.

[Player_Zero]

Frankly, Coidzor, I'd probably tell them off. They're being horribly rude and inappropriate. The proper time to start a new relationship is after the previous one is over - that's it. Any additional time you do or do not need is purely your own affair and nobody else's, and anyone who tells you otherwise is being a busybody and ought to mind their own business.

With the provisional requirement that you are not seeing the next person specifically because the last relationship ended I would interject.

[Phaedra]

I don't know. I think if you want to rebound, that's your choice. Everyone takes a breakup differently. Perhaps it might not be fair on the other person if you can't commit, but it's still only the business of the people in the relationship, not anyone else's.

[Player_Zero]

I don't know. I think if you want to rebound, that's your choice. Everyone takes a breakup differently. Perhaps it might not be fair on the other person if you can't commit, but it's still only the business of the people in the relationship, not anyone else's.

If you're not in a ready state of mind to be in a relationship then how fair is it to the other person to get into a relationship in the first place? You say that's between the people in the relationship, but really, isn't that the problem of the person just out of a relationship? Not necessarily going to end in tragedy indeed, but you should be aware of what you're doing at least.

Also, as a side-note and somewhat tangentially, the notion of making a previous partner jealous is right out. Perhaps you don't much care if their feelings get hurt due to breaking up on bad terms, that's alright, I mean, it's not particularly nice but it's not unfair. But to specifically have the purpose of making the previous partner jealous is stupid and unfair to everyone concerned I think we can all agree.

[Phaedra]

I agree that going into a relationship with the express intention of making another person jealous is unfair, though I don't suppose that ever stops anyone. Love makes people a little bit crazy.

If you're not ready for a relationship, then like I said, yes, it CAN be unfair on the other person. But really, if you're going into a relationship with them, you should discuss your situation with them, at least to the extent that they know you've just broken up. If they know, it's just as much their choice to enter the relationship as yours.

Besides, not every relationship is long-term. If I'd just broken up, I'd like to date and have a few short-term things just to enjoy being free again. If no one's expecting commitment, no one will get hurt. It's my business who I date, when I date and what I want from that date.

[Serpentine]

Frankly, Coidzor, I'd probably tell them off. They're being horribly rude and inappropriate. The proper time to start a new relationship is after the previous one is over - that's it. Any additional time you do or do not need is purely your own affair and nobody else's, and anyone who tells you otherwise is being a busybody and ought to mind their own business.

Agreed, but with the added (from Zero) provisio that if you're still in close quarters with the recent ex and have any hope of maintaining a positive relationship with her, for heaven's sake keep the whole thing as far away from her as you can - for example, if you're still living with her, don't bring the new one over to stay the night - no matter how "cool with it" she might seem.

Speakin' from experience, here.

[Syka]

If it's been three months, if you feel good I see no problem with it. As I said, I was asked out 5 days after my break up and the date was about a week or two afterwards. We dated for 9 months until I decided I needed committment or nothing. The whole just casually dating thing worked well for both of us. It was a rebound, technically, but neither of us ended up getting hurt ultimately.

That said, I think 3 months is generally enough time for most people, excepting those who've lost a partner to death or otherwise non-relationship related issue and those who are still hung up on their ex-partner.

I'm really not sure why you're friends would be getting on you about it, honestly, unless you were rubbing it in her face. All my friends were happy when I was dating again.

Also, Serp's addendum is appropriate- don't rub the ex-partner's face in it.

[SharpWolf]

Hi, everyone!

Some of you might remember me from some time ago (thanks for the support, by the way), where I was stuck in a pretty bad situation with my girlfriend and her crazy-control-freak parents. Well, I won't get much into details, but let's just say that, with her parents putting insane pressure on the both of us, her being unable to break free from their influence and still living with them, me being unable to cope anymore with the craziness and the sheer absurdity of it all anymore, and the two of us being too exhausted by the whole thing to deal with our own problems, our relationship eventually crash-and-burn-ed horribly, finally coming to an end a few days after the new year.

I'm the one who took the final decision when I realized that I had come very close to hitting her over a small and very random argument, and that this wasn't going to be solved anytime soon, with her planning to continue living with her parents for an undetermined amount of time and me on the verge of completely breaking down.

So right now, I'm feeling pretty weird. It's been a month now and, these past weeks, I've come to realize that our relationship had gotten pretty toxic in the last year and, while I know for certain that I've made the right decision, I can't help but feel seriously bad over it all. I hate the idea that I've hurt her by breaking up and I feel like I've abandoned her to her crazy parents. On the other hand, well, things had gotten pretty ugly for me and I just couldn't take it anymore. She had started doing some passive-aggressive stuff, like telling me that nobody she knew liked me and that I was so lucky to have her because nobody else would have me, that I was so clumsy and pessimistic and constantly inventing new problems and compromising peace and... well. She had never done that before and it was pretty hard for me to deal with. Eventually, after the break-up, I had to cut off all contacts because I was completely exhausted and she kept calling or emailing me to either tell me how absolutely horrible and disgusting I was to put her through that, or that she loved me and would sacrifice everything for me and that we could still make things better, if only I was willing...

Since a few days, I'm feeling like it's time to move on, appreciate my freedom, start doing new things, do more stuff with my great friends, meet new people -- maybe try my luck with that sweet girl whom I've know for quite some time and who I would certainly have considered for more serious stuff, had I not been in a relationship at the time. And I'm not thinking about anything particularly serious for now, just maybe dating, having fun and enjoying each other's company, without all the pressure, the judgments and all that... that certainly would be a welcome change from all the stupid drama I've had in my life the past year. It's just that, sometimes, I feel like it's wrong of me to feel like that, that I'm being unjust to my now-ex-girlfriend or something. My friends have told me that I am absolutely in my right and that they can't believe "just how the hell did I last that long?!", and I'm inclined to believe them and follow their advice, but I just feel guilty, sometimes...

So here I am, and I'm not planning to go back on my decision anytime soon, but right now, I'm left wondering: what now? If I'm to start anew, where to start?

[Midnight Son]

SharpWolf Sounds to me like you have it pretty much figured out. My only suggestion is that you not date seriously till the guilt you're feeling subsides somewhat. It'll taint any relationship, otherwise. As for that guilt, its a natural consequence of being the one to break the relationship. Only the most callous of people would be able to do that and not have a few pangs of guilt. The feelings will pass in time. Date casually till then.

[Starshade]

SharpWolf: I’ve had issues among my own relatives, and had in periods no real desire to involve any girl at all into the madness. You seem to have dealt with the girl way better than id seem to have done, at last I know i don’t tolerate cruel mental manipulation meant to break down and control people, it’s what I’ve seen and had issues with: Id have thrown any woman out, or left her on the minute, and shut all contact immediately furious if i was attempted manipulated with "no one like you, you should be lucky you got me".
I hope id not been furious enough to be aggressive, but, I know that tactics would make me quite mad.

Id not worry about her, if she got normal intelligence to any degree, there is no reason she would not be able to make her own opinions and decisions, and not be controlled by her parents, at least not mentally, if she'd not been able to be independent economically.
Edit: i also dont know if you two are legally adult. it changes a lot if you are not of couse.

[evil-frosty]

I am having trouble getting over a relationship. Here are her exact words when she broke up with me:

"I'm really trying to put my feelings into words but i really suck at it....i want to go out with a guy whose a little more social, you're kinda strange at times, and i think if my friends or people like that met u i might be kinda embarassed that you're my boyfriend."

I know that I am not like everyone else for one i play AD&D and thats universally looked as dorky i guess but thats no reason to break up with someone also we go to different schools and at our old school most of the people there were complete idiots who i didnt like cept for a few people, so thats where she is getting me not being social i guess. I Love her, i truly do and all i want is her to be happy even if that makes me miserable, I just cant move on. I just keep thinking back to times when we were together and having fun. I just cant stop dwelling on the past. The only reason i can think that i am having a hard time getting over it is because i felt like she was the only person i could go to, to talk about something and now i dont think that i can. I just want to know how i can move on. And now shes getting mad at me because i am having trouble getting over it. She still wants to be friends and so do i but i just dont know if i can be.

[Syka]

Evil, if she's more worried her friends will think her a dork/nerd/whatever for dating you than about how you treat her, you deserve better. Like, my friends knew me well enough to know that just because I dated a guy that surfed did not mean I was a surfer.


Sharp, what MS said. You seem like you have a good handle and I commend you for cutting off contact. I had to do that with my ex (also an unhealthy relationship for the last year of it) and, it was hard, but best decision I made. Especially since he'd gotten upset at me dating a MONTH after he broke up with me and began dating the girl he CHEATED ON ME with. oO Talk about hypocrite.

Once guilt subsides, feel free to get in a serious relationship if you desire. But after a long term relationship, having something casual is actually really nice.

Cheers~

[Felixaar]

Coid, screw you female friends. Or on second thoughts, don't, that seems to be the problem.

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Anyway I would say that you should stop worrying so much about what other people think. If you feel ready to date again, date again.

Sharp, you did the right thing and I must say I am both proud of you and respect you for making that move. Well done, sir. Don't worry about your ex - everything she has, she has brought upon herself. Best of luck with that sweet girl and take it easy (also, start at the very beginning. After all, it is a very good place to start.)

evil, you might want to be with her, but she doesn't want to be with you. There's nothing you can do about that, and you just have to move on. Theres no key. Theres no trick. It just takes time. If you need someone to confide in, try one of your other friends, or if that doesnt work both here and in the Depression thread people will listen to you. You can also PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Random update: Rachel now has a 23 year old boyfriend (she is 17), and my best mate has split up with his girlfriend. He is dropping out of school and she is into heavy drinking and drugs. What the hell happened to all my friends?

[averagejoe]

Random update: Rachel now has a 23 year old boyfriend (she is 17), and my best mate has split up with his girlfriend. He is dropping out of school and she is into heavy drinking and drugs. What the hell happened to all my friends?

I know what you mean. Two of my friends recently failed at college because they were getting stoned the whole time, so now they're being all they can be. Or whatever the advertisement is for the army these days.