Results 61 to 90 of 1475
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2009-08-15, 05:43 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Are you, like, right there communicating with her at the time, or do you mean you want to know about all her personal contacts ever? It's really just like anybody else in my opinion; nothing wrong with casually asking "Who was that on the phone?" or some such, but don't kid yourself that you have a right to the information, nevermind the stalker/abusive SO-level of demanding to know every contact, all the time.
"'Intelligence' is really prolific in the world. So is stupidity. So often they occur in the same people." - Phaedra
Pyrian's LiveJournal
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2009-08-15, 05:53 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Depends on the degree, IMO. People have lives outside of their relationships, and have friends, both male and female. Its also ok to feel a little jealousy about the person you love. Its almost instinctual.
Trust is quinessential in a relationship though. If you don't feel secure about her actions, maybe you need to talk to her. Don't be accusative, but make it known that you are a little concerned. Its not an easy subject to broach though, so tread carefully. Still, the two of you should be able to talk things out openly and honestly. If you can't, maybe thats a warning flag?
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2009-08-15, 06:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2005
- Location
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Neoclassic:
Honey, I'm 5'6" and 130lbs, or at least, I was for about half of my life. At this point in time, I think I might have put on a few pounds (five? maybe?), although my friends still tease me with "skinny" jokes.
("So, is it true that you have to run around in the shower to actually get wet?" "Can't be. If he's not careful, he's slip down the drain!" "...thanks, guys.")
It might be because you are female, and it might be that your body type does better with less weight, but frankly, I would want to see pictures and judge for myself before I would consider you anywhere near "needing to lose a few pounds".
Captain Happy:
It might not seem like it now, but your experience of actually going up and talking to her will help give you the confidence to go up to more strangers in a bid in getting to know them. Over time, it will get easier, and it will be more rewarding.
Rule of thumb on rejection: 95%. I.e., you need a nat 20.
Mr. Mud:
That depends.
Are you asking because your SO isn't paying attention to you?
Are you asking because you are insecure and worried that your SO is cheating on you?
Are you asking because you're just curious?
Are you asking because your SO might be talking to someone to whom you want to talk as well and you want her to pass on a message?
Are you asking because you are worried that your SO is plotting a surprise birthday party for you and you hate surprises?
Also, how would it be if the situation was reversed, keeping in mind that even if it is one way for you doesn't mean that it will be that way with the SO?1. Have fun. It's only a game.
2. The GM has the final say. Everyone else is just a guest.
3. The game is for the players. A proper host entertains one's guests.
4. Everyone is allowed an opinion. Some games are not as cool as they seem.
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2009-08-15, 06:39 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I hate those stinkin surprise parties. They always catch you off guard just when you are thinkin "Woe is me, my friends all forgot my birthday. Maybe I'll just go home and sulk for a bit. Huh, there sure are a lot of cars around. Why is my home dark?" And then everyone jumps out from behind the couch nekkid yelling SURPRISE!
Hate...
*grumble* *grumble*
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2009-08-15, 06:42 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2007
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2009-08-15, 06:44 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jul 2008
- Location
- Broken Damaged Worthless
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
All that I say applies only to myself. You author your own actions and choices. I cannot and will not be responsible for you, nor are you for me, regardless of situation or circumstance.
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2009-08-15, 10:16 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Madison, WI
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Anyone have any advice for those who own the title of the "third leg"?
I'm actually at a convention right now where this is happening. It's me, two friends who are dating, and the female friend's brother. Every time they cuddle or get close or show affection towards each other, my mind just shuts down emotionally and socially. I either avoid all eye contact and clam up, or I simply leave the room (we got a fancy room, so the living area is separate from the bedroom).
There are more complicated circumstances behind this, but those aren't necessary for this thread. I just want to know how others deal with being the odd one out.
-Slayer Draco Doll by Recaiden
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2009-08-15, 10:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Tulsa, Oklahoma
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I go find other people to hang out with.
As calloused as that sounds, Draco, you're in the middle of a convention, filled with other people I assume share your interests.
So, while I'm not there to make out with you infront of these friends (), there are plenty of people to meet and have fun with.
And maybe make out with.Last edited by RabbitHoleLost; 2009-08-15 at 10:19 PM.
"This is why it hurts the way it hurts.
You have too many words in your head.
There are too many ways to describe the way you feel.
You will never have the luxury of a dull ache.
You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much"
— Iain S. Thomas
Avatar by Qwernt
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2009-08-15, 10:21 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Madison, WI
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
There really isn't, Rabbit... the hotel we're staying at is separate from the hotel where the con takes place. I can't simply go downstairs and find cosplayers to hang out with (also impossible since I have no cosplay for this con). Plus, I'm not so great with social situations...
These feelings just feel worse than they actually are. Depression has a tendency to do that.
-Slayer Draco Doll by Recaiden
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2009-08-15, 10:45 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Can you take some kind of public transportaiton to get back and forth to the convention area? I mean...if they want to sit in their hotel room and play makeouts, thats fun. You paid con fees and I'm guessing you want to get your money's worth. Taxi's generally aren't that expensive on short jaunts, and if you meet a bunch of people, maybe you'll meet others at the con who are staying in the same hotel who'll help you split costs when you are ready to go home at the end of the night.
And trust me...being social at a convention (gaming, anime, cosplay, anything geeky) is about the EASIEST thing to do. Seriously...just walk up to a group of people and say something like "Kefka could TOTALLY take Sepheroth in a fight", and your new found friends will regail you with every concieveable piece of information ever printed, said, or seen. Seriously. You are ALL socially inept geeks, EMBRACE IT! <3
Especially if your gender symbol is correct. Most women at conventions can make a lot of friends really easily just by acting moderately interested, because frankly, the ratio of dude geeks to chick geeks is depressingly low. If you are genuinely interested (which I'd assume, since you are at a con) and moderately knowledgable (again, I'm gonna assume you are), then you shouldn't have any issues meeting others at a con.
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2009-08-15, 11:34 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
- Location
- behind you with a knife
- Gender
Alexi Laiho Avatar by Mr._SaturnSpoiler
Sephiroth and Arthuai[CENTER]Sepiroth avatars by Ink
Arthuai by Mr_Saturn
Alexi Laiho by Mr_Saturn
I have a metal blog thing now, check it out
You can't kill the metal, metal will live on! \m/
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2009-08-15, 11:54 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
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2009-08-16, 12:44 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Before I read the rest of your post/saw your sign I completely thought you meant you had a peen that was too big. LOL
I wouldn't have been able to help you with that problem anyways...
Anyway, I know the feeling. Must be worse when you're on an actual trip where you are in their company more often. Is the girl's brother a complete dipstick or something, heh? Hang out with him?
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2009-08-16, 11:11 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- Location
- Purple
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I wasn't exactly sure where to put this, but I figured this was the closest thing to what I was looking for...
SpoilerI just got back from a two week camp. It was a branch of an organization which we are not allowed to date at and signed contracts to that effects, and since it was sleep-away, technically nobody should have found a relationship there, but the staff didn't really enforce the rule as long as there were always six inches between people. Five or six days before camp ended, a guy I kind of knew came up to me and said "Didn't I kill you?" and that's how our friendship started. We were nigh inseparable for two days and went through a lot of teasing from people who said we were going out. I never had any interest in him romantically, but he told me the next day that he had a crush on me. Although I had somewhat guessed it when all my friends were whispering whenever I was around and kept asking him when he was going to tell me, suddenly the rather perverted jokes he always made seemed inappropriate as I now suspected they were not in the spirit of friendship. This still wouldn't have been a huge problem except that he started stalking me. He had to sit beside me at every meal, in every class, and he actually waited outside my cabin until bedtime. I didn't even feel safe around him anymore. He was extremely emotionally fragile, although because that didn't start until I knew him well, I think he just wanted the attention. Looking back, I'm kind of worried that I led him on at the beginning or gave off the wrong impression, even though I think I made it pretty clear that I wasn't interested in him that way. I'm wondering if I did the right thing, and if anyone out there has some advice, I'd really appreciate it.
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2009-08-16, 11:37 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Gem Flower
in an ideal world you would have said "sorry, im not into you" when he said he had a crush on you... but in an ideal world he would have also taken the hint from you not making an effort
the lesson to learn is you can never be too clear when letting someone down. Hints just don't cut it, even the rediculously obvious ones. If you find yourself in such a situation in future, have a polite word and let who ever it is know that they are making you uncomfortable. You may hurt a few feelings along the way, but sometimes this unavoidable, and you have to be selfish at times. Nip it in the bud early, and then their feelings won't have time to develop too much, and it will be easier for them to 'get over' (if they need to).
don't beat yourself up over this - its a learning experiance
so just remember:
be firm and clear if you don't feel the same
let them know EARLY
if someone makes you uncomfortable, let them know and ask them to stop
be "selfish" if you have to - your feelings always come first
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2009-08-16, 11:49 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Gem Flower
Honestly, without hearing more details, it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You were being friendly, he precieved it as more, expressed interest, and you weren't interested in more. This is a fairly common occurance, especially at camps. I went to a TON of summer camps growing up, and hormones + being far from home with strangers + general summer camp atmosphere leads to a lot of crushing.
The thing that concerns me is his behavior. Stalking is NOT cool. My suggestion to you would be to say something to him. Make sure its just the 2 of you, but in some place open like a field or courtyard or other very visible place where no one can overhear you. Express yourself clearly that you are not interested in him like that and that his actions are making you uncomfortable. Stress that he is making you uncomfortable. Don't say anything to the others, or do anything that might embarass him publicly. If he doesn't stop, I'd recommend talking to one of the camp staff. They generally have people trained to handle things like this. Learning to deal with emotions and others emotions is a major part of growing up.
But yea...you shouldn't let anyone control your life. Address it maturely, and if you have issues, then seek help. I'd like to tell you this will be the last time in your life that people someone will misinterpret friendship as more, or fail to recognize more as friendship, but I can't. Thats life. People are funny like that. Its not your fault. Learn from this though. Don't be any less friendly or open or empathic to anyone, but learn to recognize when someone might be developing feelings you don't reciprocate so you can head it off before it becomes a problem.
Hope this helps! Enjoy camp!
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2009-08-16, 12:33 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- Location
- Purple
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
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2009-08-16, 12:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2008
- Location
- Tulsa, Oklahoma
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Gem: Like the others have said, talk to him about it. Ask him politely for some space.
And if he still continues to never leave you alone, go to an adult with your concern.
Its a little much, I know, but if you don't feel safe anymore, this is an issue which needs to be addressed.
"This is why it hurts the way it hurts.
You have too many words in your head.
There are too many ways to describe the way you feel.
You will never have the luxury of a dull ache.
You must suffer through the intricacy of feeling too much"
— Iain S. Thomas
Avatar by Qwernt
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2009-08-16, 05:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Aug 2006
- Location
- Sydney
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Er...
Forgive me, but that really doesn't sound like stalking to me.
I remember going to camps and stuff with a friend from school, 'cause our parents were unimaginative when it came to holiday entertainment.
I remember:
- Sitting next to him in every class (or activity or what have you).
- Eating next to him in every meal.
- And sleeping near him in the same cabin.
It wasn't stalking, it was, y'know, friendship.
What exactly makes this different?
Is it because:
A. He is a man.
B. She is a woman.
C. A and B.
D. He had previously expressed romantic interest in her. (And doesn't the thread always say this shouldn't be an issue when it comes to friendship?)
E. Other (please describe).I am the golden shadow. I am the Ninja Chocobo
Avatar by me.
My other avatars.
The rest of my signature.
Spoiler
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2009-08-16, 05:36 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Location
- Seattle, WA
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
What I picked up from it was that when she thought it was just friendship, it was fun to hang out together and be friendly like. Then he got attached and told her so, she rebuffed him, and he didn't take it well. He started following her around awkwardly, sitting next to her, standing outside her cabin, etc and generally creeping her out. Kinda like having a lost puppy follow you around, it kinda makes you feel guilty because you are part of the reason he feels that way.
Tja, looks like what we have is a future professional heartbreaker! j/k!!!!
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2009-08-16, 10:41 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Location
- Dinosaur Museum aw yisss.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Keld's interpretation may be correct, and if so that is pretty creepy.
What I thought, and that, Gem, I don't think you need to worry about, is simply that he liked you. When you like someone, you want to hang out with them all the time. That, in itself, isn't a problem. Especially as you said you two were "nigh inseperable" - perhaps that changed for you, but not for him? That is, he was doing the same things as before his confession, but for you the situation had changed and "nigh inseperable" had become "he won't leave me alone"? In any case, it wouldn't have been unreasonable to request that, say, he hang out with some of his other friends for a while.The Iron Avatarist Hall of Fame!
Prizes(Un)Official Best Playground Avatarist Competition
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Also, buy my stuff! T-Shirts too!
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2009-08-17, 01:23 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
I find violence to be a cause of and solution to many of life's great mysteries.
...or was that alcohol?
In any event, hopefully you won't have to shiv him or get someone else to shiv him, but if he backs you into a corner...
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2009-08-17, 08:19 AM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Apr 2007
- Location
- In a flying train.
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Gem, what're the chances you'll really ever see him again? At any rate, that's life. If it continues, tell him to piss off.
You could us kinder words if you feel like itLive, Laugh, Learn, Love,
and Look both ways
when you cross the street
Avatar by Dragonrider
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2009-08-17, 02:24 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jan 2007
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Hey people,
Id quite like to have a word (and potental rant) with/at someone via either Pm or my email (daemonhost(at)hotmail.co.uk). It would be very appreciated.
Well, Ive got someone to talk to now, so Ill line through this here post.Last edited by onasuma; 2009-08-17 at 03:04 PM.
Thank Saturn for this avatar!
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2009-08-17, 06:50 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Central Florida
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Short answer: No. You didn't do the worst thing, but you jumped to a ridiculous conclusion. I've been there myself and would rather give advice to the poor guy than you.
Long answer: No. I was once on the other end of a similar situation. The girl in question was my friend, and we were in fact nigh inseparable. I developed an attraction to her, and she somehow found out. She started avoiding me, taking crazy roundabout routes to walk to class and the like. I didn't know she knew about it, and thought she was mad at me for some reason. I kept trying to speak to her, but she slipped away every time. One day I tried to catch her in a public place, and she exploded. She accused me of stalking her and trying to rape her, in a crowded cafeteria in full view of my classmates and teachers. She took out an actual restraining order against me, and for the rest of my life I will be "that creepy rapist guy" to everyone there. She had also borrowed my Firefly DVDs a few days before, and never returned them. That was the beginning to the worst year of my life. It set off many of the other events, most of which I won't discuss of this forum. It's been hard for me to even work up the nerve to tell this one, which I can usually laugh about now.
Heh, the kicker to the story is that she ran into me a month ago at the grocery store, and didn't recognize me. The restraining order was still in effect, but we actually hit it off. I mentioned Firefly and Ender's Game, which I introduced her to, and she said she loved them. I also got her number. I haven't called yet, but I have a plan for when I do. I'll lead her on for several months, borrow her Firefly DVDs, and then break her heart.
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2009-08-17, 07:10 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Location
- Indiana
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Bad idea; she'd then nail you to the wall for breaking the restraining order.
_____________________________
*Sigh* Well, that did it, and I suppose I'm as much to blame as anyone. I went to her house on Saturday afternoon to keep her company so she wouldn't be alone with the disease and her depressive thoughts. The required hugs turned into about three hours of cuddling (but no more than that) while she cried it out. Nothing's happened still (and it's going to stay that way), but we've bonded more than ever. It's going to be hard to put the brakes on it now, and the hell of it is, at this point I'm not sure I want to.Last edited by Renegade Paladin; 2009-08-17 at 07:11 PM.
"Courage is the complement of fear. A fearless man cannot be courageous. He is also a fool." -- Robert Heinlein
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2009-08-17, 08:18 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- London, Yewkay
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
assuming all the above is true (its an honest account/my sarcasm detector isn't off the mark) - firstly, why didn't you sue her for slander - unfounded very public accusation like that can have all sorts of long term repocussions
secondly stop. desist. don't be an idiot. read this following bit carefully: STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM THE GIRL AS POSSIBLE. Cease all and any contant. This is 3-fold. A) a restraining order b) she doesn't sound like a great person to be around c) REALLY? do you really think thats at all even remotely wise.
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2009-08-17, 08:40 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2006
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
Gem Flower: I would tend to agree with Ninja Chocobo and Jalor on this one.
It sounds like you guys did a lot together for a couple days. You were fine with what he said and how he acted then he said he liked you and then suddenly everything he did, which didn't really change, was "creepy and stalkerish."
Usually the "I don't feel the same way about you" sort of conversation also includes something like "I just want to be friends." In which case him acting like he did the first day when you were friends would in theory be pefectly fine.
As for waiting for you by your cabin, if he wanted to talk to you about anything and you were going out of your way to avoid him it is about the only chance he would have without making a scene in front of people. Even if it was something as simple as trying to clear the air.
As for stalking, if you saw him all over the place it really isn't quite the same thing. You were eating in the same place at the same time probably anyway, it was just a matter of where he sat. Its not like he was hiding by your cabin and sneaking up on you while you were alone (or at least it didn't sound like it from your post). It didn't sound like he was trying to get information from your friends like where you lived and went to school and what your phone number is and stuff like that.
Considering the timeframe of everything and the apparent ages it seems nieve to not have expected him to be attracted to you.
There is also a big difference in people's actions compared to their age. If someone was doing stuff like that and they were 30 you would have a good reason to think it was creepy. If you are a teenager, well its those sorts of ackward things that happen all the time that teaches people not to do that in the future. Which admittidely doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for you, but it isn't overly psychotic or creepy either.
I've had moderately similar things happen before. A girl that would give the guy 10 minutes to talk about it a day or two after the "I don't feel the same way about you" conversation would make things a lot easier on them and in most cases let the woman know the guy isn't some crazy stalker but just someone that isn't totally comfortable with the opposite sex yet, but is just a normal guy. Of course the fact that the woman completely avoids them at all costs just makes things worse for them.
In my case I was going to school with the girl so we saw eachother enough over enough time later that we managed to talk about it some more later and ended up being friends again. The time between those two points were fairly ackward though.
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2009-08-17, 08:48 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Jun 2007
- Location
- Central Florida
- Gender
Re: Relationship Woes and Advice, Trip to Baator
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2009-08-17, 09:11 PM (ISO 8601)
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Xin-Shalast
- Gender